Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Boards

Was surfing around and found this... Vegan Fitness.

And this. Pink Dumbbels

Monday, January 30, 2006

Tired

Distance: 1.5 miles
Duration: 30 min
Speed: 3 mph

Julia stayed up til 4 AM so I didn't walk this morning. Instead I fit it in just now and while exercising at this time of night is not my fav thing to do, it's done. There.

Amy F. told me at work that I looked beat, and I agree. To bed!

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Good start to the day

  • What: Upper body weights

I woke up at 6 AM this morning really thirsty. I laying in the dark arguing with myself over whether or not I was thirsty enough to get up to find water or if was ignorable so I could go to sleep. I decided I was too thirsty so I took my meds and got water and lay back down. Then I spent a while arguing with myself over trying to get more shut eye before church or slipping in a workout while the rest of the family snoozed on.

I admit, it's a long day ahead and I could really use the sleep.

But then again, how often do I get that sliver of quiet? So I got up and did upper body weights and watched the sun rise. It was lovely.

Made up for the fact that I can't find my old weight log. I didn't expect to just pick up where I left off eons ago but it would have been helpful for putting me in the ballpark.

BUt a good start to the day. I'm looking forward to church and drumming.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Rushing

Distance: 1.5 miles
Duration: 30 min
Speed: 3 mph

Julia got up when I had 10 minute left so I hurriedly got her to the potty and set up the stroller with some Cheerios and finished it off.

Now I have to get ready for work and it's a long day because we're meeting Paul after so.... rush, rush.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Irritable

Ears clogged, headache, antibiotics for likely infection, if it doesn't resolve, off to doc. Ugh. Good thing I has some left from the last time because my ears today were murder.

On the othe hand, been food logging for 5 days in a row, so this is a good thing.

Trying to make changes whiel sick sucks, but better to try than to not bother at all.

[...]

That's interesting that you bring that up, Amy.

I really prefer Julia be and stay vegan. I'm not sure how she'll feel as an older child, but our compromise was vegan til 12 or 6th grade, whichever comes first. Then if she wants to eat nonvegetarian, she can learn to cook it for herself and Dad, and will be big enough to reach the stove and handle things safely. And prehaps by then we'll have an idea on the PCOS front for her -- if she inheritted or not.

Of course, I'm hoping like hell she won't even want to bother going there because it's helping me with my PCOS junk so much to stick or organic vegan and if it comes right down to it, it's an easy, practical expression of faith. Or it is to me.

The seventh principle for UU's is "Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part." It usually interpreted in "green" or "eco-friendly" extensions. We try to recycle as much as we can and we observe as much "green" housekeeping possible. But I have to agree with this article... the biggest impact one person can make is to switch if they can. Food is a big deal.

On the tofu front, what kind do you get at home? Have you tried the smoked or grilled? It's pressed tofu that's firmer. I forget the brand name... starts with "M."

Or you can get firm or extra firm Nasoya and then press it yourself by wrapping it in paper towels or a clean dishcloth, placing it between plates, and setting a heavy soup can on the top plate to press it down. Or firm silken?

Freezing it in it's original packaging and then thawing it before use also changes it to be a bit chewier/meatier in texture.

Julia likes it just about any whcih way, but she's partial to "nuggets" because it's easy finger food for her.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Minnie is getting in on it.

They've got Donald (half marathon Saturday), Mickey (marathon sunday), and this year was the first Goofy (doing both Donald and Mickey back-to-back). Now Minnie's getting in on it.

Got this in my email today... notice of the inaugral Minnie Marathon Weekend. It's a 15K, a 5K and a 1 Mile. Cute, and if it is still around when Julia's 11, I'll consider it. But lord, in MAY? The last time I did a May thing I burnt up from the heat, and the other time I did a June Epcot 5K it was the same deal. Hotter than heck.

And I suppose if I were faster it wouldn't be as annoying, but I am not esp. fast. And hot parking lots are bloody hot parking lots!

But I think we may go spectate. That would be fun. :)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Recovery

Distance: 1.5 miles
Duration: 30 min
Speed: 3 mph

Didn't prioritize a walk yesterday so I never did it. It was the first day back to "normal" after being sick and it was slow going. I made it to work though. My ears are still clogging and so's my nose, but I'm doing a lot better on the cough/fever end of it. Cleaning the house, and produce comes today so I have to cope with getting that together... I'll try to write more later in the week when I'm not as pressed for time.

Amy -- sorry you guys are still battling illness as well! Hang in there!

Friday, January 20, 2006

Back

Distance: 1.5 miles
Duration: 30 min
Speed: 3 mph

Just as I got ready to walk at 11 PM, Julia woke up wanting to nurse. Got her settled, banged out the walk and now I'm off to bed.

One more will make a dozen

I'm awake. 5:50 AM and I am still awake. But at least I'm back down to 99 deg. and I am not throwing up.

Felt a bit stir crazy so I tackled Julia's closet and brought up my hallway total to 11. Paul and I want to do a Goodwill run this weekend to donate and the more clutter I get rid of the better.

I was a little stunned though at blowing through so much of her baby things and my maternity clothes.

I suppose since I'm still on the fence about the second kid storing so much of this stuff is silly to me. Crib, ok. But endless little creepers? C'mon. They're cheap enough and if we really DO have another, the relatives will go beserk again and buy too much again. So what is the point of trying to save them when some other kid could be wearing them now?

I kept a few favorites and I got a little sappy sad over the newbron socks she never wore for socks but wore for mittens instead.

I got a little annoyed by the one maternity/nursing velvet dress I bought and never had the chance to wear but I tried it on and the thing is now a tent. Even at max preggo I think it would still be a tent, so out it went.

I've run out fo things in her room to do though. So I'm puttering around trying to figure out what other spot in the house will yield one more trash bag of donatables.

Because 1 more will make a nice dozen.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

100.1

Argh. Getting worse. Letting Julia watch WAY too much TV because I can't keep up with her doing anything else. Threw up last night. Ugh. Ugh.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

99.7!

99.7 deg F.

Ugh. I feel terrible. :(

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Refocus

My cold thing is now in my chest. I also had a rough day yesterday so I think I need to refocus this week to revolve on what I need to get well.

Mom did one of her hit and run numbers that shook me up so bad I had a full on panic attack and called Paul at work to come home and be with me because I couldn't stop shaking or crying. I missed work. And I can't remember the last time I felt awful. I still feel upset and like I want to throw up.

Flight or fight response. But there's nobody to fight, and I'm already home, so there's nowhere to flee toward.

The only good that came out of it was that I told Mom to cut it out and she apologized and said she realizes now that it was an imposition and an error in judgement.

She has a bad habit of dumping on me whenever Dad is gone after a recent Dad Episode because then she can have a chance at venting over the phone without him interrupting or overhearing. Great for her, sucks for me. Here I am living my own life in my own house that's pretty peachy keen and BAM! Emotional hit and run.

"Mom, why on earth do you call me like this and bother telling me this crap? I can't do anything about it."

"Well, if something happens to me or Dad, then you will know."

"If something happens to you or Dad, you will be dead. And I can't do anything about that either. So why bother? Why do I have to know? All it does it make me upset, I end up crying and angry, and for nothing, since nothing changes."
When I was younger I used to yearn for the day I'd move out so I wouldn't have to live with this crap any more. (She used to dump on me at night before going to bed and then wonder why I couldn't sleep and I stayed up all night. )

To make a long story short, my dad has PTSD. He also has low self esteem with poor emotional/impulse control. Either problem alone is bad enough but mix the two things together and it causes all kinds of ridiculous drama and inappropriate behaviour that he never acknowledges or apologizes for. It's just getting worse as he gets older and he's not especially cooperative about his therapy/medication.

I understand my mom's difficulties in living with a person with this disease, but she doesn't need me. She needs her own therapist and a hotline. Reliving every awful thing Dad does when he's in one of these fits may help her some venting wise, but it just burdens me with knowledge that I'm better off just not knowing.

It is pointless to recount it here. It's same old shit, different day. Blah.

Add a cold, my period, and a sick kid, and it jsut ugh all over. Blah. Blah.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Playing House

With Paul home, I don't have to walk this morning just to ensure to get the time on the treadmill sans baby. I can do it later tonight when he is home.

So I'm trying to sue my baby-free time this morning to get a lot of house junk done -- I'm on my 3rd load of laundry (why does it pile up so?!) and half done sorting the kitchen so I can get on with cooking for today.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Reflective

Picked Paul up from the airport Friday night. Exhausting but grand to have him home again. Haven't really discussed some of the things on my mind very deeply. Just in passing. Like... he can deal with his side of the family's needs this year. I'm taking a break from "outside our family" needs to focus on "within the family" needs.

And how he's at the 50-50% mark for having another kid. We're going to cary on as planned like we ARE going to TTC in Sept. and address side issues like paying off the house and health goals first. Then we'll see about getting down to brass tacks when we're at the brass tacks stage.

Saturday he took Julia to the playground while I slept. Monster cramps. Ugh. We did minimal errands and then came back. I felt awful.

Today we did nursery Sunday school and that was fun, but wearying and we got into a mild argument on the way home at the grocery where I wanted the buggy so I could just go at my speed and he wanted the buggy so he could go at his and getting two buggies didn't occur to either of us until much later. We laughed it off but we were tired so an afternoon nap was in order.

I got my period, finally, and I am starting to feel some relief from the nasty ass bloating and sweets cravings. So. That's 3 cycles coming in at 32-25 days apart. Excellent for me, the irregular-all-my-life PCOS patient!

We're both itching to get on with DIY, so this evening I was browsing a lot of decorating, woodworking, and sewing books and mapping out the next two rooms. I promised myself that I would FINISH Julia's room (paint, curtains) and the kitchen (paint) before starting the laundry (paint, sewing, woodworking, and maybe tiling) or our room (everything, lord, help me!). The living room... a bit more complex than I'm ready to deal with so I'm taking a break from that. I'm going to have to divide it up into smaller projects because looking at it as a whole room is starting to freak me out.

I'm doing some DIY at preschool too but I also promised myself that I have to do 1:1. My home first once, then something at school. Otherwise my own home and space gets shafted and that's not cool. Since we're almost done with clsoet demo, I think next on my line up is painting Julia's room this coming weekend.

So I'm reflecting on a lot of things I want to do short term and long term today.

We spetn out last Christmas gift cards at Best Buy. Paul and I agreed to share Mary Tyler Moore second season (guess what I'm treadmillgin to?) and then we spent the other card on the two Plaza Sesamo DVDs so Julia can watch Sesame Street in spanish. The first time we've ever bought her kid programming and so far, the only ones I can stand to watch. We see a lot else at preschool sometimes and I'm less than enchanted.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Friday, hooray!

  • No walk

Up early. Had to put eye drops in for the eye boogers. Also have a lot of crampy, bloated here-comes-my-period junk going on. Ugh. I do NOT feel all svelte and sexy. I feel evil and blah.

Chucked some laundry in. Food log, while mostly logged is all over the place and I'm not quite ready to deal with it yet.

[...]

I'm going around in circles with the second child question. For now postponing it til fall when we HAVE to decide works but I've been reflecting on it a lot anyway. I think I'm somewhere around 60% no more kids and feelgin startled by that and not entirely comfortable with it.

I don't know if I'll find a compelling reason to tip it over the other way though.

Weird.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Eye Boogers

Distance: 1.5 miles
Duration: 30 min
Speed: 3 mph

Today I woke up with what Julia calls "eye boogers." So I'm siting here hoping the saline spray will clear my nose and that my eye boogers are like hers a few weeks ago. Just the result of excess drainage from the nose and not actually pink eye. Pink eye would suck!

Day off, but I'm heading to school anyway to meet Carla and tackle the closet again. Peter spackled yesterday so today we're going to paint as high up as we can reach. Then we're going to try to sort some junk to toss.

I like Carla -- she's so sane and funny.

I'm bringing lunch since I ended up making so much food yesterday. What I had done was Spring Menu 7 from Fresh Food Fast by Peter Berley. It was a Christmas present to myself. Anyway, it says serves 4, but I'm not sure what 4 because the Spinach Soup with Basmati Rice and Carrots made 9 cups and then the Curried Chickpea Pancakes with Tahini sauce made 17 pancakes! So I'm hoping Carla and Liz and whatever other kids that want to try it will help me and Julia eat it.

The soup was a bit disappointing at first so I threw a can of tomato soup in it to help it out. Then the next day after sitting it was much better so if and when I make it again I need to remember to add some kind of vegetable tomato-y broth to it instead of the plain water it asked for.

The pancakes? I veganized (flax instead of eggs, soy milk instead of cow) and they kicked butt! Def. a keeper so I'll have to copy that one over to my recipe journal on the microwave for quick reference.

Off to walk... For those who are interested, Paula and Elliot are about to hook up in the Goodbye Girl and have their rooftop pizza date. I was talking to Paul about it and he said if Julai keeps waking up to play the stuff I'm watching in Spanish so at least she's getting more Spanish in her daily life. That thought hadn't occurred to be so we'll see if she wakes up.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Does it count with reindeer socks?

Distance: 1.5 miles
Duration: 30 min
Speed: 3 mph

Another day, the same old song.

Only today when I woke up my ear and nose were killing me. I have a cold thing. So I sat around waiting for the saline spray I squirted up my nose to help unclog my head for a bit and then I swapped my pajama pants out for fitness shorts and got a sports bra on. Left the pajama shirt and reindeer socks I slept in on.

Got half the walk done and Julia woke up. So I gave her a hand in the bathroom and set up in the stroller to watch The Goodbye Girl with me while I finished walking. I'm not really crazy about this habit we're developing -- her watching TV so much. So I need to get up earlier and get this walk done before she's likely to wake.

We try to keep her TV 30-60 min on the weekend only.

Now to deal with making lunch and dinner before I go to work.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Tired

Distance: 1.5 miles
Duration: 30 min
Speed: 3 mph

Same as before. Only Julia woke up so I had to park her in the stroller with a bowl of Cheerios to snack on while I wrapped up walking and then we took off for a park playdate. It was fun, but it totally wore me out. And there's so much else to do today...

Monday, January 09, 2006

Monday. Blah.

Distance: 1.5 miles
Duration: 30 min
Speed: 3 mph

Easy, brief walk this morning spent mediating on last night.

I have a headache for two reasons. First, I think I'm sick because I have a scratchy throat. Second, had a thing with Paul last night where I unexpectedly blew up. It caught us both by surprise. He was talking about Julia's birthday party and I was talking about being overwhelmed by holidaying and being tired. At cross purposes, really.

He doesn't think a kiddie party is a big deal and I'm stressing out over nothing.

From my POV, it's the final straw in a long holiday season (remember, we start in Sept and don't end til January) and the desire to stop.

"If it isn't a big deal, then why can't we just not have a party?!"

"Ok, it IS a big deal. But I still don't see why it has to be so stressful."

It's like the housework sometimes and the problems we have over fair division of labor, only instead of housework, it's social obligations.

Blah.

He's going to plan and deal with it all. I'm supposed to just bring cake. I'm trying to let it go and be ok with that.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Ouch!

  • WHAT: 2 hrs demo and clean up

Day off, but I went to school any way. Julia horsed around with her friends while I tackled closet demo and clean up. Peter came after work to help out and between the two of us wielding a crowbar and hammer we gutted most of it. The rest was too high so we'll have to try that on Sunday with Paul's aid perhaps.

It was a LOT of crap to haul out. The wood was old and rotting in some parts and I know we've got a rat in there somewhere. Peter's seen and and I ordered a Havahart trap. I don't want to lay poison down with so many kiddies around.

I pulled a muscle in my butt though. Ow.

Monday, January 02, 2006

First walk

  • Distance: 2 miles on treadmill
  • Speed: 3.0 MPH
  • Time: 40 min

First walk of the new year. At home on the treadmill and relatively easy other than when Julia escaped Paul's supervision and tried to get on it with me while I was still walking. She fell but fortunately only her pride was injured.

I've been giving a lot of thought to goals for 2006 in regards to family needs -- more time together, pay off the house, save 20%, and so on. As far as personal goals, I have this vague sense of "get ready to TTC #2 if we're really going to do it!" but no actual detailed map for how to get there over the coarse of the year.

I'm still feeling burnt out by holidays and I've put a lot of energy into setting up the budget and files for 2006 and getting ready to deal with the taxes for 2005.

So I'm winging it for now til I get other areas settled. I don't care what I do, what distance, or what speed.

I just want to do something, anything, physical 30 min, 5x a week.